SuCk sUcK YUM yum

Oh.. Diseases what may come?

2008-08-14T21:35:00.002+08:00

hmm.. wat do you do when u have taken too much MCs from work.. and your work place is seriously short on staff? BUt then u still not feeling well.. GO to work loh.. :(

Yes this is wat i did.. after all my workplace the care is not real de..
hmm.. go to work.. haha.. i've been coughing so much.. tt my stomach n guts are all traumatised.. they behave in the same way as when one lau sai.. take med also no effect.. still lau sai..

only thing tt help me is those sports muscleache cream.. but i still feel like shit.. -_-" haiz..

new gloves in my workplace slippery.. my hands also soft from all the shitting, coughing n blowing.. while disposing a used needle it slipped from my left hand, got hooked in my right hand glove, splashed blood from my patient all over my hand n then poke my finger. -_-" damn... GG(gd game, wan dan)

now have to test my own blood.. dunno if my patient got HIV, HEP B or C or wat other wierd shits.. many pple dun declare what they have also..

haiz.. 3 mths later gotta test HIV again.. tmd.. -_-"

sian x 2

It's so quiet and lonely

2008-08-09T17:16:00.002+08:00

Hmm.. was on MC for 3 days..

So lonely.. everyday sit at home.. slp whole day.. nothing to do also.. no where to go... no one to speak to.. even if there was someone to speak to.. no one to connect heart to heart with..

It is so lonely, sitting here waiting alone.

Nobody ask how i am, nobody bother.
At the end of the day i wonder why do i bother to care for others or do so much for them.

And then i remember that xiaowei last time say.. she didn't want to be alone when she's sick.
Hmm.. yea.. I know why.. because it sucks. Tts why i was always trying to be there to the best i can..

Because I know, because I am always alone.

Its just so painful~!! ARGH~!!

2008-08-04T01:27:00.006+08:00

This whole week has been a really painful week for me.. I don't know how I should start it.. but my darling is no longer with me.. To me she's still a darling.. but to her.. I'm no longer anybody special. Just so tong ku.. everyday I am face with a lonliness.. and the pain and hurt that she's not by my side..

On the way to class on tuesday was so tough.. I know that i hurt so much inside tt i just have to struggle to keep all my tears in me.. If not MRT train pple will think i siao.. Kept my eyes closed through the journey.

Yea I miss her.. lots and lots~! Waiting everyday, wondering when we will get back together.. Or if we will even get back together.. :(
I Don't know what i can do or what i can't, wat i can sms her or what i can't. So for this week i just decided to give her morning call.. Hope i'm not disturbing her. Its sad to see that she don't even tell me that she has woken up.. or has left for work.. I know she didn't ask for those calls.. But yea I care that if she has woken up or not.. and sometimes I will just sneak off to try and make a few extra calls.. but then as the day goes by.. I learn to just give the basic. which is the 7am+ call and then just let it be.

Since she probably don't want me to call anyway, even if i go an extra mile.. even if i die doing so.. I kinda find that it will go unnoticed and unappreciated. Since no one bothers what I have to sacrifice to make the calls. The stares, the whispers, the unhappy colleagues.. and if its crowded i get the scoldings too..

I don't want to sms her during the day too because I do not want to interupt her thinking.. Being away from her.. and the pain of missing her.. they just add together.. and when the day gets really quiet or when I'm alone & not so distracted.. It just gets so unbearable that I wish I won't have to suffer so much. Yea.. I love her so much.. I can't do without her. Its a short 2 months, but she just fits right into my life. And soon before I know it, everything has been about her. I make every single day's plan with her included. My heart so empty, and each day has lost its meaning without her. Even my creative stone has hung itself on me, even more lonely.

Actually what my heart is looking for is really simple.. I just heard this song today.. And i feel that it sums up what i'm looking for.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hlfPpPvGFS4

i want somebody to share
share the rest of my life
share my inner most thoughts
know my intimate details
someone who'll stand by my side
and give me support
and in return
she'll get my support
she'll listen to me
when i want to speak
about the world we live in
and life in general
though my views may be wrong
they may even be perverted
she'll hear me out
and won't easily be converted
to my way of thinking
in fact she'll often disagree
but at the end of it all
she'll understand me
i want somebody who care's
for me passionately
with every thought
and with every breath
someone who'll help me see things
in a difffernt light
all the things i detest
i will almost like
i dun want to be tied
to anyone's strings
i'm carefully trying to stay clear
of those things
and when i must sleep
i want somebody
who'll put their arms around
and kiss me tenderly
though things like this make me sick
in a case like this
i'll get away with it

WHy BeLthaZor?

2008-07-30T01:59:00.002+08:00

Well.. a good number of pple dunno what is belthazor.. while some know.. n others soon learn what it is.. If you guessed its a name of a demon.. then yup you are correct~! TA DA~! *raining prizes* :P

Well.. i first heard this name from a tv series.. Charmed. Belthazor is the son of a demon(mum) and a human(dad). SO he's half demon, normally demons don't have human emotions but Belthazor has. He was sent on mission to kill some witch. But fell in love with her, n then destroyed his superiors instead.

SO he became a wanted demon while datingthe witch(Phoebe). Because of constant issues abt Cole(belthazor's human form name) being a half demon, phoebe tried ways and means to make him human fully.. like trying to remove his demon form without killing him. Cole was always out hunting some demon tt was hunting phoebe and her sisters. But because he was demon, they didn't trust his love for her.. n eventually phoebe lost her trust too. Through his quest of protecting phoebe.. Cole defeated the demon king together with phoebe and sisters but accidentally absorbed his powers(by then cole already had many powers from all the previous demon). Cole succeeded as the next demon king.. and didn't allow any harm to come to phoebe n sisters. But being demon king, made him all the more les trustworthy to those he cared for.

Eventually Cole became so powerful that he could bend reality. And was approached by Avartars.. to join the ranks of the indestructible immortals. He joined. By then things between phoebe and him weren't going very well because of her sister's constant brainwashings.
Out of pain Cole used his powers to go back in time, to find the phoebe that wld love him. But then at tt point of time, it wld also mean Cole nv became an avartar yet.. so he was destructible.
So phoebe n sisters seize the chance to travel there and atk Cole. He fought her sisters.. but loving Phoebe so much, he allowed her to kill him, he was so emotionally hurt by her actions.
But left her a letter.

"Dear Phoebe,
If I am dead right now I know it was at your hand. No one else in heaven or hell had power over me. Please dont cry. I was dead before i met you. I was born the day you loved me. And your love for me will keep me alive forever!
Love,
Cole "

yea.. found it so sad.. And i liked the character because he really tried so hard and his best in everything.
Hmm.. below is some short fan made MTV about Phoebe and Cole.. Also got show her putting down the stone to destroy him. O_o
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Y9uVml83yU8&feature=related

Fallen Angel

2008-07-28T18:38:00.004+08:00

Long time ago I read a story about a time long gone. a story about the battle between good and evil. Except this one was different. Beside the Devil vs God, there was a 3rd party, Death.

What am i sia..
Why am i alone despite all the pple i know and have around me.. when the time comes when i need some1 there will be no one there. why am i treated like death, pple fear me, pple hate me, pple dun understand me, pple dun welcome me in most places, pple wanna use me, pple seek for me when they have troubles but forget i exist when they r happy, pple pity me like they pity a dying person on the streets or somewhere else. and there's no one who really would accept me. only the craze would accept me but then again the craze r too craze to understand me. Why do i do the things i do for pple? I don't know.. but I know i began my search a long time ago for a someone whom i can place my heart with, feel safe & accepted.

Of all the pple tt i was there for, none would come for me.
When my sa qi zhong, there would be no one who would at least just touch me & calm the me inside. I would only be a monster in all their eyes.

When I'm sad, no one would hold me and understand my broken heart. I would be viewed as heartless to them.

I'm really a fallen angel, so much in pain. There would be no one who's willing to be in my world. to understand. So alone, so lonely. What's the point in knowing so much tt i cannot tell.. cannot share, and all this knowledge would just distant me from everyone else.

Am i really the death, so forgotten and despised by humans, even though i care & love so much.
I'm not perfect.. and i may not do every task correctly.. it dun mean that i wanna get anyone hurt or in trouble.

I know i love my darling xiaowei, if it doesn't cause her harm.. i wld listen to wat she tells me to.
Maybe i'm just too blind.. that end up i fail to realised the future consequences of our choices.
But I bother about that so much. I just know I wanna protect her, and achieve my success as soon as possible to relief her from the heavy load that she has now.

Its raining STONE wooHOO~

2008-07-17T22:21:00.002+08:00

Hehe.. today thinking of many things la.. firstly is thinking of how to meet my darling after i bookout from camp.

2ndly is thinking of how to give her a gift that i had gotten her for our relationship being 2mths old. :) THis is the first time that i have gotten a gift for such an occasion.. usually i would only give gifts on a yearly basis.

THe gift also not wrapped so jialat.. haha.. well everything was kinda last min.. on tuesday it was the day i quarrelled with my mum, went down to meet my dar n ting ting at S-11 and then I had to run off to collect some cash from my friend who also happened to be my debtor. What else to do? When one is planning a surprise there will be a need of resources.. :p

haha.. so wednesday went to buy Stone Plus With speaker for my dar.. was actually wondering wat colour to buy and in the end came to the conclusion that pink wld be the better colour to buy.. ^^

Bought stone plus liao.. then eh.. couldn't find any nice wrapping paper in the area.. so thought that the next day i would find wrapping paper near my camp area during lunch. End up during lunch me went to depot heights.. crap.. the shop there sell those super ugly looking wrapping papers only.. if not then wedding de.. :P wahahaha.. dun think i so fast getting married bah..
Not that i mind. :p

Hmm.. so in the end left 40mins in my lunch break.. RUN AH~! haha.. to Bukit Merah Central. Walked le 1 round then managed to find the paper that i wanted. haha.. then chiong back to camp.. woo.. reached back just nice.. 1pm... kai gong(work) wahaha.

After that cut case le.. wrap the present.. :D and my fren came in just when i finished.. haha.. then keep trying to guess the gift.. me told him can do what he want to figure out except crazy things like opening it n of cuz.. no poking it.. if not i will poke him till he have many holes :P
So in the end, could meet my dar dar tonight.. woohoo.. also bought a black sling back for her bro.. cuz he wanted the same 1 that i had.

Went to meet my dar at her home.. wow.. realised that she got TV liao.. don't noe where it came from but also no wanna ask. :) she seemed so tired.. wanted her to cheer up alittle.. her littlest bro not in.. so gave her the bag i bought for him and she didn't have much expression.. gave her the olympic glass i got for her from mac.. but she already had one.. in the end she still took it from me.. :) was really sweet of her.

Told her i had a gift for her.. and that me wanted her to open it after I left.. why? because i shy lah.. haha.. First time i doing such things.. :P I feel alittle silly.. but hey.. I just love to see a smile on Xiaowei, and so i try my best. :D

SHe say y not open now.. n i ok loh.. haha.. so cute watch her open.. and she was wondering what it was.. then in the end she asked if could tear open the wrapping.. I was ok with it and the STONE was reveal~! ta da~!

Haha.. her face beaming with a big big smile.. and it mademy heart really smile too.. Its been a long time dar, yes just like you asked me.. Its really a long time since i saw u smile like that.
haha.. so cute.. she asked "don't u find me no manners, nv say thank you?"

Well.. to me she already said thank you in her own way.. 1stly from that smile. And 2ndly when she asked me that question above. :D
haha.. watching her dig through all the stuff that came with it was really cute.. she seemed so excited.. THat day i learnt tt my dar dar.. can't use earphones, she needs clip-ons.. if not her ear wld hurt. :) Maybe if i see a pair of nice clip ons.. i'll get erm for her.. ^^

Haha.. actually for this day also got a greeting card de.. but dun wanna give her so early.. inside this self made greeting card which is actually made from a piece of paper into a pair of hearts which i coloured red.. yes i made it in camp. :) And I wrote a poem on a piece of writing paper n slotted in the back of the hearts.. Was too paiseh.. to give her later she read.. I think i would turn red? :p haha.. wanted to let her know how i felt about us and about her, and hope that she wouldn't give up too when we have our differences.

So in the end her bro came home.. even harder for me to give it to her.. haha.. in the end when i was leaving her home.. n she off the room light, i just dropped off the hearts in the dark somewhere near where she left the STONE packaging.. no idea if it fell into the paper bag it was sitting on.. or else where near it.. but wld let her know of it when i get back home. ^^

I hope that she would always smile when she think of everything that i done for her today, and always treasure it.

I love you darling.. always will~ :D

TaXi tAxI taXI, Singapore~

2008-07-11T23:50:00.002+08:00

wootz.. today i woke up extra early.. haha.. think around 6am like that, because gotta prepare some stuff.. load some new games into my NDS lite, but most important of all is gotta head down to Khatib, my darling's place and "Gd morning mdm, the time now is 7am. We are please to inform you that its time to wake up le". :P haha..

Well... today must wake her up la.. cuz she told me tt she had to pass some manager something. If late de hua, sure mati de. :P haha.. so maybe u all wondering how i wake her up besides giving her morning call.. haha.. sometimes can call for 1hr+ she also no wake up de.. continous calling leh.. haha.. :P so shen qi :D well.. i would go there and knock knock on her bedroom window.. aiyo.. no la.. i not spiderman. :P just that her window is face the corridor de.

So when down, call her end up she woke up liao.. said her bro woke her up just now le.. but i think she kinda fell back to zzzz :P her wake up voice so ke ai de.. haha.. sounds very huggable. After that told her that got stuff to pass to her.. she was wondering what stuff, then she open window.. haha.. like those fairy tale stories like that whereby the prince always standat the window de :P except this time window not so high up. So me passed her a pack of chocolate chip and then left. :D hope the morning treat will brighten her day up and if she got no time to grab small bites.. maybe it will come in handy. ^^

HAha.. now gotta quickly chiong to go my camp to fall-in.. haha..but aiya.. chiong how hard also i know surely late de. cuz today got inspection, and inspection need to fall in earlier than usual. 1 week rubbish duty job here i COME~! Damn.. but still dun wanna reach there super late.. later = more nag.. :P so earlier is better.. cuz earlier also got chance to be on time.. but wa liew.. wait for the cab.. all nv come de.. strangely when left her home.. so many cabs pass me.. haha.. when i actually really waiting.. no have. wow.. really cabs and me just dun get along. haha. :P

SO wait loh.. until 7.25am like tt then got a cab. aiyo.. by then sure late le.. driver ask me which route i wanna take.. i asked which 1 faster.. he told me CTE.. bad choice.. i shd had taken adam road.. wahaha.. CTE got so many ERP.. so end up i reach camp is $16.80. i thought that was what i would be paying.. then uncle press meter liao.. i nearly died in the cab. $30.20. O_o WOOTZ! all is ERP charges & cuz i called for cab.

But well.. I didn't mind la.. cuz not like i always have to wake up my darling like that, and also even if I do, its not like it will always fall on a friday. In the meantime i guess I'll just have to clean the trash thinking of her bah.. :)

She's my little gem of encouragement ;)

A lovely something

2008-07-10T01:19:00.005+08:00

Today in camp so bo liao.. haha.. trying to catch ants.. :P but then of cuz can't catch all of them de la.. haha.. we not really catching.. we're squishing them.. and using official document folders to do so.. haha.. cuz wanna disturb our clerk frens when they receive the files from us.. see y so many squished ants on it :p hehe.. yea.. we v naughty de.

in the end we thought of how to lure the ants out.. smear ice lemon tea on the wall n then wait.. wahaha.. then alot of ants come n we just keep wacking.. think pple who walk pass the room outside hear the sound must be thinking we siao.. inside so many violent pple..LOL :p

Then today after book out got a few stuff to do.. first is head down to Paya Lebar to help my darling collect her Red Cross uniform. Go down there woo.. at first quite blur about the address.. haha.. then later figured it out liao.. then know which direction to walk liao.. :D:D

Reach there.. woo.. the shop interior not bad leh.. look rather nice compared to other tailor shops.. This shop is called Javini. but looks like damn sian play to work in.. walk far n only a few colleagues. The Uncle's service like super lousy de.. talk to him he nuah nuah pattern.. then later give the uniform is missing the logo de.. somemore according to my Xiaowei.. the uncle told them tt June 23rd the uniform is fully ready.. wa liew.. then now not ready.. haha.. feel like biting uncle.. *munch munch* Actually is he lazy go down production there to collect the logo.

Anyway.. now settle le.. is bring the uniform to let my darling try liao.. then see how.. if fit n nothing to worry about then nevermind. THen next day suppose to bring back let the uncle put the logo on. :P

After that head home shower, eat n rest, then help my kor some stuff.. then go over to meet my darling.. So happy see her.. cuz miss her so much. And she gave me this paper clip.. really special to me de.. cuz its a heart made from a paper clip.. Dar dar you so genius.. me not gd with paper clip artwork :p but I treasure wat she has given me.. Receive liao.. kinda happy.. N seems like my heart was healed alittle.

A tribute to my Dearest

2008-07-09T02:12:00.003+08:00

Was looking back at my relationship with her, smiling at those times.. because i know how much she means to me. Thinking of the things that we did together. The time she willing to spend with me at the playground just letting me hold her in my arms as she lay back to rest.

To me now all those things like very far liao, nowadays hardly touch her.. be it hold hand or hug.

Maybe you all out there curious about how we got to know each other. So shall take an abstract out from my date dairy bah..

Today I got to know a girl at MCC, her name is Xiao Wei. Kinda reminds me of the song that goes by the same name too. Hmm.. Well she's tall around 178cm haha.. first saw her & wow.. while my colleagues were like @_@!!

Haha.. actually many pple dunno that day i was really doing my best to match speed with her & the rest of my colleagues, can't be too fast & can't work too slow. Because i felt I just had to be the one to do her venipuncture. Haha.. maybe I was already looking out for her or maybe i just wanted to prevent an accident. I was the only veteran drawing blood that day, and new guys tend to slip on female veins causing a huge bump -_-" ugly bump will become ulgy bruise. Ok ok.. I think I just wanted to know her.

Why? My reason nothing very special, not like what most guys would expect. She's not exactly the best looking girl I've seen so far.. In fact, one can even ask me howcome I never bother with so many pretty girls so far but bother so much abt this one.

Hmm.. She sat down, I did my usual, tie -> swap-> poke. Can't really remember if i spoke alot of crap to her.. yea i was very nervous.. haha :p who say cannot get nervous? In front of me was a girl that i may or may not like, even though I'm experienced and good at wat i do, I mess up too sometimes. I didn't wanna take any chances, hope she forgive me for using the scary looking big big syringe. ><>

AH! Suddenly saw she got NDS lite, open mouth say crap instead " eh.. got NDS lite ah?" haha.. =p duh.. if not then she playing gameboy meh? Silly me :x Talk talk pei her go in ENT, I know my time very short lah.. leave my station to long later kena senior kp me. Haha.. but somehow this ordinary looking girl gave me courage. Felth that really must know her, so asked what game she play, pray hard and home that there will be 1 that i play too, then can talk about or at least have less unnatural stuff to chat abt.

Haha.. she plays Trauma Centre.. ;p then asked me help.. ^^ happy, but once i take the NDS touch pen i know, WAN DAN LE! My hand is shaking, and the game need accuracy de T_T lose de game in the end.. so paiseh.. *O_O* can't believe me so shi bai, then left ENT, only to go back later, still thinking of how to get her number. Then Jennifercame out tell me got easy bleeding then ask whether the blood i drew before was enough or not.. Think awhile le, then i think die la.. but wondered "seh got declare mah?" see liao, got T_T Ahh..!! now become my fault :( have to poke 2nd time more nervous, kept telling myself cannot fail. I think by then I took off face mask? can't rem, but if i did then i just wanted her to know i not shuai la.. =p haha.. silly? yes.. cute? i let her decide bah.. =)

Oh my gosh.. the other guys came back le.. ask me go eat.. haha.. no.. if eat le cannot know her, so said nevermind, damn end up more nervous, who won't be sia.. trying to know a girl and risking my future and everything, and i don't even know if she wanna know me, or what she would feel when i asked. GO DB, means cannot enter university, they won't accept de.

Done finished le.. phew. WIshed that time would stop. die die.. she gonna leave liao.. how? pick up all my courage when she about to leave, asked and she said ok. ^_^ HAPPY! Haha.. but she seemed like she also inside smiling. :s she asked if i knew who she was, but i paiseh let her know i had been noticing her all this while.. so took awhile before i said her dialect name. OMG.. kenna corrected by her.. so paiseh.. My dialect too louya le.. TT but still happy

Quickly add number to hp & start smsing when i could, then noticed rain v heavy. Wondered if xiao wei still in CMPB or not, mybae can walk her to bus stop, with umbrella. damn sshe replied got drench.. feel so guilty even though not my fault.

Then SMS her through the day, I feel really happy knowing her. I find she has many interest that i have too.. like religion & culture.. haha.. hear that she wanna explore the world.. I also wanna go.. but financially restricted. She has some dreams in learning and just like me lack practice.. want to maybe do more stuff together so an produce together or waht haha.. but she's not keen :(

Find out she cycles also but i already no bicycle.. :( so i think really hard as to when can get a chance to date her out, know her better =) then thought of jerrel's bday chalet. Then remember sure no pple go because they no like him. So asked but she couldn't head down.. n cuz can't confirm tickets. Diappointed but oh well.. decided to try again, next time. Take msn home to have more chance to speak to her.

TO my darling, I always love you de. Though we have times that we quarrelled, and make each other feel lousy. There was a never a time that i regretted knowing you and having you as my girl. I wish to be able to hold you like when we first got together and always see that beautiful smile on your face.

A little Remedy for things

2008-07-06T20:09:00.002+08:00

After bumping at all the bad stuff that one can possibly bump into.. finally a little hope for all the things that we have seen so far. :P haha.. pretty interesting stuff and all :) taken from
http://www.dailyom.com/articles/2007/10785.html

"The Power Of Disengagement
Playing Mind Games

For better or worse, many people have been raised to believe that communicating in an honest and open way will not get them what they want. They have learned, instead, to play mind games or go on power trips in the service of their ego’s agenda. People stuck in this outmoded and inefficient style of communication can be trying at best and downright destructive at worst. We may get caught up in thinking we have to play the same games in order to defend ourselves, but that will only lead us deeper into confusion and conflict. The best way to handle people like this is to be clear and honest with them.

As with all relationships and situations in our lives, we must look within for both the source of our difficulties and the solution. Reacting to the situation by getting upset will only entrench us more deeply in the undesirable relationship. Only by disengaging, becoming still, and going within can we begin to see what has hooked us into the mess in the first place. We will most likely find unprocessed emotions that we can finally fully feel and release into the stillness we find in meditation. The more we are able to do this, the less we will be bothered by the other person’s dramas and the more we will be free to respond in a new way. In the light of our new awareness, the situation will untangle itself and we will slowly break free.

Whenever people come into our lives, they have come for a reason, to show us something about ourselves that we have not been able to see. When unhealthy people try to hook us into their patterns with mind games and power trips, we can remind ourselves that we have something to learn here and that a part of us is calling out for healing. This takes the focus off the troubling individual and puts it back on us, giving us the opportunity to change the situation from the inside out."

More things that make relationships go bad

2008-07-06T19:13:00.002+08:00

More stuff that i found while surfing.. haha.. this 1 is about a guy who plays mind games with his gf.

http://wiki.answers.com/Q/Do_men_play_mind_games_and_head_games_with_women_they_love_or_hate
"Ah. So I see you've met my ex? King of The Mind Games! Funny, but not, to tell you the truth. Mind games are antiquated. They went out with the Nixon Administration. They serve no purpose and are intended to maintain power and control in a situation. Think of any time YOU have played a mind game with someone. Why did you bother to take it to such a level when you knew you were wasting your time as well as your partners? Also, I don't believe that men play mind games with women they are not interested in. Why would you waste your time? If you are truly unintersted in someone, you typically ignore them, not go out of your way to mess with them. Traditionally, we play these supposed mind games when we feel threatened or backed into a corner. It's natural to fear the unknown, and when our relationship takes an unexpected turn, we will take whatever means necessary to regain control of the situation. Perfectly normal, except when we continue to play these games, even after we have "won". If you have ever been in a relationship with someone whom you feel "shows no emotion; is completely apathetic to my feelings; shows no remorse; I can't reason with them because they are always right," then you turn to your own attempt at regaining control of the relationship. You "parrot" their behavior, trying to make them feel the way they have made YOU feel. But all you receive from this is more ignorance on their end. If you need to try that hard in order to get your partner to notice you and your feelings, then you're trying TOO hard. Why do you want to be with someone whom you need to "play" with in order to get their attention? Love is not about control. Love is about respect, as stated previously for this question by another member. I wasted too long with someone who made it their full-time job to play mind games with me. Even after we broke up, he continued to call me. I was going to give him a THIRD chance, but found that I was tired of constantly second guessing how he felt about me. There is something to be said about going to bed and waking up next to a man whom you are unsure of their feelings for you. You begin to wonder if they are using you. Most likely, they are, in one way or another. They may even just be using you for your naivety; someone who is blind or just uncaring as to their selfish ways; someone whom they can continuously abuse simply because you are ALLOWING it. Remember what your grandmother told you growing up? Well it applies RIGHT NOW..."no one can take advantage of you without your permission." So stop complaining about mind games and the weirdos who play them with you. You want to score the ultimate goal in the game of relationships? Kick the ball where it counts. Serve them rejection thrice fold. Be the bigger person. Walk away.

And if you want to play a game of their own? Date their best friend. But I didn't recommend that :P

You're really only fooling yourself if you play games. Not only is it abusive, but it becomes so common that everyone thinks its normal. First, be honest with yourself and the person. Life doesnt have to be complicated. Your only setting yourself up for destruction. Anyone who plays games obviously doesnt think much of you, nor do they respect you as a person."

Things that make a relationship go sour

2008-07-06T18:48:00.002+08:00

I was surfing the net, when came across this article written by some wierd person. haha.. hmm.. *peep peep look look* haha.. wee~ i'm a spy for the guys that are out there.. haha.. many pple who read this person's post saying she siao 1.. :p this sorta things will eventually tired the partner out and the relationship will turn sour rather than turn for the better

"WARNING: This is only recommended for the fun/frivolous dynamic couple types — if either one of you is easily rattled by change, then this isn’t for you.

Now, my idea for a relationship is 90% fun, 10% serious business. Your lives are entwined for a sometimes-brief or, sometimes-surprisingly-long amount of time. So it’s really your call if you’re still up for little tests to bring out some spice in a relationship, or finally just settling. Your problems are his, and his problems are yours. The fun part is annoying your boy-toy without becoming part of his problems. These would either drive him wild, or make him start remembering why he likes you in the first place. The purpose of these naughty schemes is finding out a little truth, and just plain punishment. We’re all wired to avoid pain and pursue pleasure, what if both stem from one person? This makes you hard to read, and not easily taken for granted. Now for some sexy saboteur-work!

Make demands when you know he’s busiest. After a hard day at work, he has a basketball game with his friends — ask him to come over with something after that, like, a cupcake, or the latest issue of your favorite magazine. If he, blessed with some amount of extra energy, does come by, give him a “goodnight and go.” If, say, he has a week for a vacation, occupy it by asking him to go some place, say, like La Samanna .

This little exercise tells you one of two things: is he flexible enough to surrender to a torrid terrorist, or is he just “too tired” to even see you? Don’t make this a determinant on whether or not you get to keep the guy, (if it’s a relationship, then you’re both entitled to co-ownership status, right?) it’s just a test. J (PS. Don’t do this if his busy-ness stems from family matters.)

Become a mistress for detail. Remember what he says about certain things, then quote him on it when he’s about to do the opposite. Like, for example, he says, “you’re the first thing on my mind when I wake up.” — give him a 3 am-wake up call and ask him what’s on his mind. If he says something like, “it’s 3 am!,” banter with, “I thought I’m the first thing on your mind when you wake up?”

Given, you may have caught him off-guard, but, does that mean that when caught off-guard, what he says and what he does are two different things?!

Hot and cold. Become hot or cold water based on … anything. I have this bad feeling when things get too good sometimes. Create a little drama. (Just a little, mind you.) Be amused at a small gesture he does for you (something you genuinely appreciate, I hope!) and reward him by being crazy for him that day. (This’ll surprise him.) Next day, just be cold.
For some reason, (and hopefully everyone can relate) when you act cold, it is magically assumed that you’re angry over something. If he gets guilty — why? Is there something to be guilty about? And what, girls aren’t allowed to be moody?!
Be open to bribes though, they’re fun to receive."

Quoted from Confessions of a Social Climber

Let there be a time of Peace

2008-07-06T17:52:00.002+08:00

Let us Pray
that strength and courage abundant
be given to all who work for a world of reason
and understanding;

That the good which lies in every person's heart,
may day by day be magnified;

That we will come to see more clearly; not that which
divides us, but that which unites us;

That each hour may bring us closer to a final victory;
not of nation over nation, but of us over our own
errors and weaknesses;

That the true spirit of humanity - its jou, its beauty,
and its hope, may live among us;

That the blessing of peace be ours - the peace to
build and grow, to live in harmony and sympathy
with others and to plan for the future with confidence.

Aiyo.. So sleepy

2008-07-05T20:20:00.006+08:00

EH.. haha.. very long time like no write liao.. haha.. been so busy with all the many stuff in my life. Like all the stuff to do in NS and after NS. But anyway, yesterday went to celebrate Nigel's Bday. This Nigel is XiaoWei's(darling) god-bro, he kenna always very funny. Look like the time when i studied private O's got this guy call Abel that i often hang out with de. ^_^

Nigel ah.. can always tickle all the bones in pple one la.. from funny bone, lame bone, cold bone, hungry bone. haha.. and we often pei him in AMK central to stalk Ronald Macdonalds. No wonder Ronald no dare to move from his sit and go home.. sat there so many years liao.. :p

Today after all the munching at the hotel Miramar, tummy big big.. somehow end up at dhobby ghaut arcade, kidnapping winny the pooh from those ufo machines.. :p alamak catch awhile only suddenly no more mrt to ride back le.. so we walked over to the Cathay Grand. haha.. we got brillant idea to take Night Rider home.. :P LOL.. but i bery toot 1 la.. nv taken NR before de.. -_- *sweat*

We watched the movie It's a Boy Girl Thing, my darling picked this movie de. And i'm glad we watched it. Because it wasn't as bad as i thought it might be.. aiya.. the movie didn't make much impression on me because, last time also got many of such stories.. and the plot usually v linear.. nothing much to expect and after awhile, the jokes get cold.

Haha.. there were lots of funny parts in the movie, but the one i really remember is 1 old uncle (the uni proffessor) doing a 2nd interview with another guy.. and then he start rapping. LOL.. just too comical, and the interviewee dunno is tio stun or what.. haha.. sit there & stare blank. O_O Overall this is the happiest movie i had with my darling, I felt really close to her & pain from the wounds in my heart just seem to fade away.

After movie, we end up never take the NR, look at the time also find it so wu liao to take the NR home. like 3.40am like that.. eh.. awhile more only can go home le.. so end up we walked over to paradiz centre opposite there to play lan gaming.. hmm.. hope i don't look too lousy.. cuz me guessing they surely is play DOTA.. :p

eh... and i v bad at DOTA, haven't always been the lowest level DOTA hero in all the games that i played with other pple, also i always die, and have never won a DOTA game before. T_T
But wootz today at least i didn't do too bad.. had my first win.. haha.. so my record should now be eh.. 30-1 ? @_@ LOL. hmm.. played too much.. too excited.. then accidentally just typed out a "wtf" haha.. also dunno y i typed and who i typing to, like got nothing to reply to also. Typed liao then in my head was like "oh shit~, later my dar dar kill me." But i'm glad that she understand that somehow it just came out. phew~ -_-" During the game so funny, only 4 of us playing.. always somehow just run into my dar dar, then she died. Got sometimes i was teaching Nigel what item to buy and then she just happened to be in the area.. i never looked at monitor, turn back suddenly see i killed her liao.. O_o i was OMG..! Hahaha... then she &*^$*@&^ :P My dar dar is so ke ai de.. haha. game store uncle look like Robin, my primary school classmate who dropped out of school and i often see him in Orchard doing those illegal stuff last time. But many years no see him le.. dunno how his face will look like after he matures.

Walked to MRT take train back, wanted to eat breakfast but dun wanna eat indian.. haha.. and besides that got nothing else to eat le except fastfood. Can tell that my darling cares, she no want me eat too much fastfood, and also wan me go home rest as soon as possible and as much as i can. I feel really happy because of that.. :D ^_^ because so far I never had anyone who cared for me like this b4. Today no send her home, even though i really wished to do so, but i dun wanna cause her more worries. She's also very tired, and me really wish that she could find the chance to have some rest herself too. Anyway.. went to eat breakfast at AMK la.. with Aixin & Nigel.

After that what i do leh? since i 48hrs no sleep. haha..today since the time that i got home at around 8+am, it was shower, then ZzZzZzZz... *drool snore mumble mumble* haha.. yea i was in lala-land for long long time sia.. like until now O_o!

THe lost Hancock

2008-07-03T23:59:00.000+08:00

WOo Hoo~ haha

Tml is the day kenna must go down to some funny place to celebrate Nigel's bday.. :D:D
Today my darling & I had a little argument. Went to watch Hancock with Nigel, ANselm and Frances(my bro's date).

Long story short, I open door not careful, hurt my dar dar by accident.. i was feeling really really bad about it.. :( I didn't noe how to apologise.. I dun do it by words usually.. :( so i just sayang her loh.. er.. but then it didn't work out.. and there were misunderstandings.. i got angry too because i kinda felt hurt that day and like she didn't really bother about me.. Since before she came down she asked me something like don't i think that we shd separate because we can't find much to communicate about.

Its just so painful to hear that.. and sometimes i just wish my darling would not ask such questions so often.. i mean like wats the point? why not just work towards making things better rather than just asking things like that which would hurt each other. :(

I was angry, said some really hurtful things too.. acted in a way that made her afraid too.
But i know that I love her enough and that she loved me too. Because out of all my gf.. she was the first that remembered the promise that I told her. That no matter how angry i would be.. if she would only hold me I would calm down. :)

All in all.. things ended nice on this night.. except i missed the movie Hancock.. Anselm watched it on my behalf, but it was worth. I realised more stuff of my darling.. and I'm sure that she too realised something about how much she meant to me. hahaha.. i remembered towards the end she asked me to guess something.. and then i couldn't so i say just tell me. And she said. "this mth ur hp bill sure very high" ahaha.. i was like thinking "oh.. yea..." but i told her that i didn't mind spending my bills on her.. well.. she's the most important girl in my life.

I love you dar. Sorry for everything I haven't done right.. I'm still working on myself.. I'm sure that you are working on urself too.. ^^ *muackz*

IN the Beginning.. :D

2008-06-23T22:51:00.002+08:00

Wootz! Haha..~ finally got a blog liao.. For those who know, I've been trying to get a blog skin that is to my liking. Hmm but think I too fussy liao.. :P some skin end up too cram, to small, to flashy, or just don't suit me. @_@ alamak, see liao sian1/2. Then try edit the html, but i do it as snail pace. Haha.. Aiya, not familiar so refer alot here & there. End up sian1/2 + another 1/2 = big big SIAN~ :p haha.. End up last touched blog like at least 3mths ago.. but i had a blog account since 2005 liao.. SO LONG HOR~~~ 3yrs leh.. i preserve it like kiam cai. :p

Enough of al the history lesson le.. :) this blog is made by my darling de.. So THANK YOU dar dar~! *muackz* so very sweet of you~ We did it over a period of 2 days, using a lappy with a half-assed battery.. Somehow think my dar v familar with everything, wootz.. she can move so fast sia.. O_o an eye opener for moi.. :D haha. She chose a few skins for me.. And I like 2 only.. 1 was like a love love skin, next is this monkey loh.. :) at 1st wanted the other one but then see the monkey so cute. Alright! Lets take monkey! haha~